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These are actual newspaper headlines ....
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts FireAstronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Deer Kill 17,000
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Eye Drops off Shelf
Farmer Bill Dies in House
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Stud Tires Out
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
War Dims Hope for Peace