Actual Bumper Stickers: (in alphabetical order)
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking."
"A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"Budget: A method for going broke methodically."
"Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"Dain bramaged. Department of Redundancy Department"
"Dare to keep the CIA off Drugs."
"Demons are a Ghouls best Friend."
"Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way."
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
"Do witches run spell checkers?"
"Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out."
"Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
"Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can."
"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you."
"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Every morning is the dawn of a new error..."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord."
"Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal."
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"Happiness is the Ball in the Fairway."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"Help Stamp Out Bumper Sickers."
"Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply."
"I can see clearly now, the brain is gone."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"I don't have a solution but I admire the problem."
"I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?"
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"I may be drunk but You're Ugly - and I will be sober tomorrow."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"I took an IQ test and the results came back negative."
"I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead."
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode."
"I'm OK. You're So-So."
"If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!"
"If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms."
"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?"
"If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me."
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"If you can read this bumper Sticker, You're in range."
"ILLITERATE? Call This Number for Help... 1-800-RED-GOOD."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Madness takes its toll - please have exact change ready."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"Men are not pigs - Pigs are wonderful!"
"Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay."
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"My Juvenile Delinquent Just Beat Up Your Honor Student."
"My Karma just ran over your Dogma."
"No Matter Where You Go, There You Are."
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Please honk if you would like to see my finger."
"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be having fun."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
"Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS."
"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark."
"Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."
"Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS!"
"The beatings will continue until morale improves."
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full."
"This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random."
"Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students."
"Use Caution in Passing - Driver Chewing Tobacco."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Warning! Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."
"Welcome to Colorado - Now Go Home!"
"What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"Zero to Dick In 60 Seconds."