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Housewives
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said,"One month after I die I want you to marry Mr. Drone."
"Drone! But he is your enemy!"
"Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.Now after ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counsellor, "You're still getting the same service!"
One woman told another: "My neighbor is always speaking ill of her husband. But look at me. My husband is Foolish, Lazy and a Coward; but have I never said anything bad about him?"
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"I would love to." replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares to answer her."One of his friends asked, "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back either."
A woman was complaining to a neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how hard she tried to stop him."Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?"He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet."
Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how insurmountable, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you.
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
The bride was crying."What's the matter ?" asked her friend.
"Well," she replied, "I didn't know until after the wedding that he had been married before and had five kids."
"That must have come as a shock to you."
"Yes, and my four children weren't happy either."
"My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog in the street.""Oh, that's terrible !"
"Yes, it was terrible to watch the dog die slowly in convulsions."
A little boy asked his mother, "Mummy, am I descended from a monkey?"The mother replied, "I don't know, son, I never met your father's folks."