Quickies

Quickies

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Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.

Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

Q: How do you know when you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
A: Her navel.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A Bingo Machine.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q: Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people could have sex too.

Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
A: Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Q: What three two-letter words mean small?
A: "Is It In?"

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you have?
A: Divorce proceedings most likely.

Q: Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.

Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A: They're hiring.

Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying "Yo."

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A Pimp.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A: Row row row your boat.

Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

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