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How To Tell If You Are In California
1. Your co-worker has eight body piercings and none visible.2. You make over $250,000 a year and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
5. You can't remember... whether pot is illegal or not.
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You know which restaurant serves the freshest argugula.
8. A really great parking space can move you to tears.
9. A low speed pursuit will interrupt any TV broadcast.
10. Gas costs 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the US.
11. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
12. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Cloony is George Cloony.
13. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
14. Your hair-dresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the women who delivers your mail is into BDSM and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
15. It's sprinkling, and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2000."
16. You enter a fast foos store and have to ask, "does anybody here speak English?"
17. You pass an elementary school playground and all the children are busy with cell phones or pagers.
18. It is sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
19. Both you and your Dog have therapists.
20. You notice most women of importance must wear Red Power Dresses.
21. The lights are on and nobody's home OR the lights are off and everyone is home trying to figure out how a) people can survive without electricity and b) how you can vote people out of office.
22. The outside of the house has wood panels and trim and the inside of the house has tiled brick facing OR the outside stucco is lavender & pink and the inside plaster is white
23. Your 4 closest neighbors are from NY, Mexico, Iowa, and Iran and the one thing they all agree upon is how bad California is.
24. The guy down the street has a red, white, and blue sign up in his front yard all year round that says "Vote YES on Proposition NO!"
25. The guy across from him sues.