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How to be Misrable
CHAPTER 1: HOW TO BE MISERABLEDo things you don't like. Avoid--at all costs--doing anything you really want.
Be resentful and critical, especially towards yourself. Focus on all your past mistakes and failures.
Avoid deep, lasting, intimate relationships. Focus on what's wrong with the other person. It's really them, not you.
Avoid making any changes that could bring you moresatisfaction and joy. Say "I can't" often.
Worry, worry, worry. Take on other people's worries if you run short or don't have enough of your own. Complain loudly and often about the injustice of it all.
Blame other people for all of your problems. Practice "poor me" statements with everyone you meet.
Don't express your feelings. If at all possible, don't even bother to learn what they are.
Please, no sense of humor. A miserable life is no laughing matter.
Don't pay attention to stress. Eat lots of junk food, don't relax, don't exercise. Push yourself to the limit. Above all, feel guilty about it! Ignore your own needs. Put yourself on the bottom of the list.
Always say yes to any request. Throw a "martyr party."
CHAPTER 2: HOW TO BE MORE MISERABLE (IF YOU ALREADY ARE)Hang out in the past and dwell upon all the negative, awful things that have happened to you.
Get sick. Use your illness as an excuse for self pity. Don't carry your own load. Cease thinking for yourself. Become totally dependent upon other people telling you what to do. Then blame them for controlling your life. Add the complaining game to your "martyr party."
Whoever complains the loudest and longest wins. Get yourself fired!
Give up all activities that may give you a sense of purpose, recognition, belonging or fun.
Don't take care of yourself. Let yourself go. Don't wash your hair or shower too often.
Don't get dressed in the morning. Hang out in front of the TV. Frown... a lot. If your face never moves, you won't have to worry about wrinkles. You get wrinkles from smiling too much!
Hang out in the future. Just imagine all the horrible things that could happen... whew! Cut yourself off from all contact with people. Who needs them anyway?
CHAPTER 3: HOW TO STAY HAPPY (OR GET HAPPIER IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY TO BEGIN WITH)Do things that give you a sense of fulfillment, purpose and joy. View your life as your own creation and work to make it a positive one.
Plan. When things aren't going as well as you want them to, ask yourself "Does it really matter? Will it make a difference 20 years from now?"
If it matters, get busy. If it doesn't, dump it. Pay close attention and indulge yourself with a good book, a bubble bath, a walk in park, music or quiet moments of peaceful meditation.
Release negative emotions. Heal any wounds from past relationships. Get help if you need it.
Forgive yourself and others and move on. Love and accept yourself for the wonderful person you are. Celebrate your successes and accomplishments.
Treat yourself better than you would treat your closest friend. View events in your life as opportunities for growth and learning.
Life is a series of lessons and choices. Make a positive contribution to others in your community through some form of service that you value and enjoy.
Hold positive images and pictures of what you truly want in your life in your relationship with yourself, your relationships with others, your career, your health and your family.
Surround yourself with positive, loving people. Be there for special people in your life and allow them to be there for you.
The answers to your problems lie inside of you. Only you can know what is right for you. Nurture a sense of humor. What you make of your life is up to you.
~Author unknown~