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Top 50 Signs That You Have A Drinking Problem
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
3. Job interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??
9. Two hands and just one mouth...
10. "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
11. When you can focus better with one eye closed.
12. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
13. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
14. You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
15. If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?" but you don't really have a wife. She's really your couch. Plus you have nothing but beer in the 'fridge.
16. You fall off the floor...
17. Discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
18. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
19. Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
20. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
21. Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
22. The glass keeps missing your mouth!
23. Pat Buchanan starts to make sense.
24. When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
25. Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
26. Only drinking problem is can't seen to get enough.
27. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
28. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
29. When vomiting becomes a relief.
30. Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble, fall.
31. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, and you fell asleep clothed.
32. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
33. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
34. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
35. Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
36. Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.
37. I'm not drunk... you're just sober...
38. Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down.... No Problem.
39. If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
40. Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
41. The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey...let's go get some more!
42. Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
43. When the bar owner actually carves your name onto your own barstool.
44. Roseanne looks good.
45. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
46. Your LIKE to watch Barney because you're so drunk already!
47. That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
48. You find yourself actually enjoying the food at that all night greasy spoon!!!!
49. The Whisky Ainpit Working Anymoer.
50. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.