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Cowboy's Guide to Life - by: Texas Bix Bender
Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
Lettin' the cat outa the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' back.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.