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This is not meant to be an affront against marriage. If you're married and some of this hits home, then it's a perfect time to spice up your life on Valentines Day.
LOVE: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE: When you lose your child in crowded room.LOVE: When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST: When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE: What the hell are you talking about?LOVE: When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE: When you argue over money.LOVE: When you share everything you own.
LUST: When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE: When the bank owns everything.LOVE: When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST: When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE: When the climax is paying all your monthly bills?LOVE: When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST: When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE: When you phone each other to bitch.LOVE: When you write poems about your partner.
LUST: When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE: When all you write is checks.LOVE: When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST: When you couldn't care less.
MARRIAGE: When your only concern is what's on TV.LOVE: When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST: When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE: When your farewell is a relief.LOVE: When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST: When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE: When you never see each other awake.LOVE: When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST: When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE: When your wallet empties everytime you see them.LOVE: When nobody else matters.
LUST: When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE: When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.LOVE: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST: When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE: When you listen to talk radio.LOVE: When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST: When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE: When just getting through today is your only thought.LOVE: When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST: When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE: When you're only interested in your golf score.