|
|
|
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.
1. NAME: ____________________________ DATE OF BIRTH: ______________2. HEIGHT: _________ WEIGHT: _________ I.Q: ________ G.P.A:_________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY #: _______ DRIVERS LICENSE #: _______________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK: ____________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS: _____________________ CITY/STATE: __________ ZIP: _______
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _____________
If No, EXPLAIN: _________________________________________________7. Number of years your parents have been married: _______________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? ______________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises immediately!!!)9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________12. Church you attend: _____________ How often do you attend: ______________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ______
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential
(That means I won't tell anyone-ever... I promise.)a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is: ___________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ___________________
c) A woman's place is in the: ___________________________________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: _____________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping
your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________
Signature (That means your name, moron)Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?:
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...