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New Viruses!
Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses:ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but ewe t!
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic ware says everything is fine.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.