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Just got this from our computer support officer. What a classic!
In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system. Please fill out the following questionnaire before addressing them to me. With your co-operation I should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM
1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
____________________________________________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
_________________15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
______________________________________________________17. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
________________________________________________________________18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__
__________________________________________________________________