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Blonde Q&A Jokes (Part I)
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she say to you?
A: "Is it mine?"Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?Q: What is the brunette's mating call?
A: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday!Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
A4: Throw her in the pool. (can they swim)?Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something about when it screws you, it won't stop until it gets blood.
A3: Blondes may be dumb, but they're not that stupid.Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
A slightly modified rendition.
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
A: She loves having her picture taken.Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A1: She didn't know what ONE came first...
A2: She kept spelling it ONEONE...Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
A3: They cannot do two things at once!Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A1: Divorced.
A2: Lucky... most of them have 100% gone!!!Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two! One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A1: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
A2: One can be programmed.
A3: One has bugs and the other hates bugs!
A4: You can turn the computer off!
A5: One works good with software and the other looks good in soft wear!Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She's the one with the checkbook.Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I
think I'll paint the ceiling beige."Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball.Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10,000 men.Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because the box says "good for up to 20 pounds."Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
A3: To remind them they haven't eaten yet.
A4: To remind them what they made for lunch.Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: I don't know (with finger on chin)... Oh I get it! (Hitting forehead)Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
A3: They have more sex!Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
A4: To stick up in the air.
A5: To try and hide their muff in-between.Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blonde!Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: But then why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful Thinking.Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.Q: Why do blonds have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their niples.Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
A4: They can't. They only know how to screw... not how to unscrew!Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went 'down' on "The Titanic".Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.Q: What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party!Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee!Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck...Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."