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Nine ways NOT to start your police report:
1) It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...2) The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...
3) The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire ...
4) Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff...
5) It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind ...
6) Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.
7) Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...
8) The suspect then tried to assualt me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist ...
9) A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ...