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Blonde Q&A Jokes (Part II)


Blonde Q&A Jokes (Part II)


Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said, "2 to 4 years".

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps.

Q: What did the blonde get on her college entrance exam?
A: Nail polish.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh, look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is it called when one blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
(personally I don't see this as a joke in Manila)

Q: Did you hear about the blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Q: Why won't they hire any blondes as pharmacists?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the ..............? (Insert team name here)

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3: 1000. One to mix the batter and 999 to look for a chocolate cow.

Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
Q: I don't know.
A: Neither did she.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.

Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A1: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
A2: While they're busy screwing the enemy, a counter-envasion can be planned.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor??
A: She thought it was pregnant because she missed a period.

Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: What's the difference between a fridge and a fanny?
A: A fridge dosen't fart when you take the meat out.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What do a moped and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: Who cares.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray.

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish! (Appendix: For those of you who are Brits, the A.C.T. is a College entrance examination. Highest score possible is 36. Average is about 18-20, I think.)

Q: (Visual Joke) What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A1: Far-from-thinkin.
A2: Fucking fun.

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW they couldn't understand a long joke.

Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got one leg stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: Nothing - they've never met.

Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.

Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just *love* nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"




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